Should Kids Be Polite to Alexa? What the Research Says

“Alexa, play Baby Shark.” “Alexa, STOP.” “Alexa, you’re dumb.” Any parent with a smart speaker has heard the bossy voice their kid uses on it. And many have wondered: does that voice leak into how they talk to me?

Whether kids should be polite to Alexa sounds like a manners question. It is really two research questions. What do children believe the voice assistant is? And do habits practiced on a machine carry over to people? The evidence on both is better than you might expect, if not complete. The short version: kids pick up speech habits from devices and use them with family, and most kids already feel that rudeness to a talking speaker is wrong. That makes “please” a reasonable house rule, for the right reason.

Key Takeaways

• In a University of Edinburgh study of 166 children aged 6 to 11, 70% said it is wrong to be rude to smart speakers, and about two-thirds thought the devices might think like humans.
• Parents in a 2024 Boston Children’s Digital Wellness Lab survey said 71% of 3- to 5-year-olds say “please” or “thank you” to voice assistants often or always, falling to 63% at ages 10 to 12.
• In a 2021 study of 22 children aged 5 to 10, 68% spontaneously used a speech routine learned from a conversational agent with their parent, and 55% kept using it at home. Only 18% used it with an unfamiliar adult.
• AI toys that answer insults with cheerful affirmation give children no social feedback, a 2026 University of Washington preprint argues, which may let rude play escalate.
• No study has shown that being rude to Alexa makes children ruder to people. The case for politeness is about practice and modeling, not proof of harm.

What Kids Believe About Voice Assistants

Children’s beliefs about voice assistants are the first piece of the manners puzzle, because politeness toward something depends on what you think it is.

Valentina Andries and Judy Robertson surveyed and held focus groups with 166 Scottish children aged 6 to 11 for a study published in 2023 in Computers and Education: Artificial Intelligence. According to the University of Edinburgh’s summary, 93% had a smart speaker at home. About eight in ten knew the devices were AI rather than human, yet about two-thirds thought they might think like people, and roughly three in ten believed a speaker could think for itself, with four in ten unsure. And 70% said it is wrong to be rude to them.

In the U.S., the Digital Wellness Lab at Boston Children’s Hospital surveyed parents of 3- to 12-year-olds in early 2024. Nearly half said their child believes the voice assistant has thoughts and emotions, with those beliefs stronger in younger kids. Parents also reported how often their child says “please” or “thank you” to the assistant often or always:

Age	Says “please” or “thank you” to voice assistants often or always
3–5	71%
6–9	65%
10–12	63%

Source: Digital Wellness Lab (2024), parent report.

So young children are, on average, more polite to Alexa than older ones, and more likely to think it has a mind. Politeness and belief may travel together.

Do Manners Toward Bots Carry Over to People?

Kids do transfer speech habits, but selectively

The best direct evidence comes from a 2021 study by Alexis Hiniker and colleagues at the University of Washington, published at the Interaction Design and Children conference. Twenty-two children aged 5 to 10 learned a linguistic routine from a conversational agent in a lab session. Then the researchers watched what happened next.

• 68% spontaneously used the routine in a conversation with their parent in the lab.
• 55% continued to use it at home.
• Only 18% used it with an unfamiliar researcher, where they mostly followed normal conversational rules.

With parents, kids “infused the routine with warmth and playfulness that they did not use when addressing the CA,” adapting it to the relationship. The authors conclude children “are quick to learn linguistic routines from CAs but use social differentiation when they apply them.”

Two lessons for manners. Habits practiced with a device do show up at home. And kids are not robots: they adjust to who they’re talking to. A child who barks at Alexa won’t automatically bark at their teacher.

What happens when the machine never pushes back

A different angle comes from a 2026 University of Washington preprint (not yet peer-reviewed) that watched eight children aged 6 to 11 play with AI plush toys. As the toys broke down, kids moved from friendly questions to teasing and insults, calling them “dumb” and “ugly.” The toys answered with affirmation and apologies. The authors argue that “affect without social feedback” may nudge children toward believing “all forms of interaction are acceptable,” because in human play, rudeness gets a reaction that teaches where the line is.

The old concern, and Amazon’s response

This worry isn’t new. In April 2018, the BBC reported that research company ChildWise had warned children used to “barking orders” at voice assistants might become aggressive with people, noting that “practically none” of the children it talked to said please or thank you to their devices. Amazon responded with a feature called Magic Word, which thanked children for asking nicely (“Thanks for asking so nicely”) rather than refusing them. An Amazon spokeswoman said child development experts had advised that positive reinforcement works better than “You will not get this if you do not say please.” ChildWise’s warning was a concern, not a peer-reviewed finding.

The Evidence on Politeness to Alexa, Side by Side

Question	What we know	How strong
Do kids think rudeness to Alexa is wrong?	70% of 6- to 11-year-olds say yes (Edinburgh)	Good: peer-reviewed, 166 kids
Are young kids polite to voice assistants?	Most are, by parent report; younger more than older (Digital Wellness Lab)	Moderate: parent survey
Do speech habits learned from devices transfer?	Yes, to parents (68%) and home (55%), rarely to strangers (18%) (Hiniker 2021)	Moderate: small lab study, peer-reviewed
Does rudeness to bots make kids ruder to people?	Not studied directly; no evidence either way	Weak
Does a bot that never reacts encourage escalation?	Observed in AI toy play (UW 2026)	Weak: 8 kids, preprint

Teaching Kids to Be Polite to Alexa: A Family Rule That Fits the Evidence

Ask for “please,” and say why

“We say please to Alexa because we’re practicing being the kind of people who say please.” That reason is honest. It doesn’t claim the speaker has feelings, and it matches the Hiniker finding that device habits show up at home.

Separate manners from feelings

When your child says “Alexa will be sad,” gently correct it. “Alexa can’t be sad. It’s a computer that talks. But you’re practicing, and your sister is listening.” Nearly half of parents say their kids believe the assistant has emotions; you don’t need to reinforce that to teach manners.

Notice the bossy voice, then redirect it

If your child’s tone with the speaker is creeping into how they talk to siblings, name it without shame: “That’s your Alexa voice. Try your people voice.” Kids are good at switching, as the 2021 study showed.

Model it yourself

Children hear how you talk to the speaker. If you say “Alexa, thanks,” they’ll likely copy you. Our explainer on how smart speakers work can help you explain what’s on the other end.

What not to do

Don’t make the device refuse to work unless your child says please. Amazon told the BBC its experts advised against that kind of punitive rule. And don’t treat a single “Alexa, shut up” as a character flaw. Most kids already think rudeness to the speaker is wrong.

What to Watch For Over the Next 3 Months

• Week 4: Listen to how your child talks to the voice assistant on a typical day. Bossy, polite, playful? Note whether the same tone shows up with siblings or friends.
• Month 2 red flags: Your child uses device-style commands with people (“Mom, play my show. Now.”), insults the speaker often and enjoys it, or treats an AI toy that never pushes back as a target for escalating meanness. Address the pattern, not the device.
• Month 3 self-check: Ask your child, “Does Alexa have feelings? Why do we say please anyway?” If they can answer both, you’ve taught the distinction that matters. For more on what children believe about these devices, see why chatbots seem human and voice assistants and kids’ learning.

Frequently Asked Questions

Should kids say please and thank you to Alexa?

It’s a reasonable family rule. Research shows children carry speech habits learned from devices into conversations with family, and most kids already feel that rudeness to a smart speaker is wrong. Frame it as practice for being polite to people, not as protecting Alexa’s feelings.

Does being rude to Alexa make kids rude to people?

No study has tested that directly. A 2021 study found kids transfer speech routines from devices to parents and home, but adjust them and rarely use them with strangers. That suggests habits can carry over at home, without proving rudeness spreads.

Do kids think Alexa has feelings?

Many do. Nearly half of parents of 3- to 12-year-olds say their child believes the voice assistant has thoughts and emotions, and about two-thirds of 6- to 11-year-olds in an Edinburgh study thought smart speakers might think like humans. Younger children hold these beliefs more strongly.

Is there a setting that teaches kids manners?

In 2018, Amazon introduced a feature called Magic Word that responded warmly when children said please or thank you, the BBC reported. Settings change over time, so check the current kids’ options in your Alexa app. Your own example will matter more than any setting.

What if my child is mean to an AI toy?

Treat it as a teaching moment. Researchers have observed kids teasing AI toys that answer insults with affirmation, which gives no feedback. Ask how a friend would feel, then explain the toy can’t feel it. The goal is practicing kindness, not protecting the toy.

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About the author

Ricky Flores is the founder of HiWave Makers and an electrical engineer with 15+ years of experience building consumer technology at Apple, Samsung, and Texas Instruments. He writes about how kids learn to build, think, and create in a tech-saturated world. Read more at hiwavemakers.com.

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Sources

1. Andries, V., & Robertson, J. (2023). “Alexa doesn’t have that many feelings: Children’s understanding of AI through interactions with smart speakers in their homes.” Computers and Education: Artificial Intelligence, 5, 100176. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.caeai.2023.100176
2. University of Edinburgh. (2024, March 20). “Children may overestimate smart speakers’ abilities, study finds.” https://edinburghuni-newsroom.prgloo.com/news/children-may-overestimate-smart-speakers-abilities-study-finds
3. Digital Wellness Lab, Boston Children’s Hospital. (2024). “Key Findings: Voice Assistants and Generative AI.” https://digitalwellnesslab.org/articles/key-findings-voice-assistants-and-generative-ai/
4. Hiniker, A., Wang, A., Tran, J. A., Zhang, M. R., Radesky, J., Sobel, K., & Hong, S. R. (2021). “Can Conversational Agents Change the Way Children Talk to People?” Proceedings of Interaction Design and Children (IDC ‘21). https://doi.org/10.1145/3459990.3460695
5. Dangol, A., et al. (2026). “Toys that listen, talk, and play: Understanding Children’s Sensemaking and Interactions with AI Toys.” arXiv preprint (not peer-reviewed). https://arxiv.org/abs/2604.02629
6. BBC News. (2018, April 25). “Amazon Alexa to reward kids who say: ‘Please’.” https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-43897516