Your Kid Got a Threatening Message Online: What to Do Right Now

Your child hands you their phone or calls you over to the computer, shaking. Someone has sent them a message that scared them — or you find the messages yourself and your heart rate spikes. In that moment, your next five decisions will determine whether the situation gets better or worse, whether evidence is preserved or lost, and whether your child gets the help they need or learns to manage fear alone. This article is a clear, step-by-step guide to what to do — and what not to do — when your child receives a threatening message online.

Key Takeaways

• The single most important first step is to NOT delete anything — screenshots of threats are essential for school disciplinary processes, law enforcement, and platform reporting
• Threat assessment requires distinguishing between venting language (“I’m going to kill you” said casually by a classmate), peer harassment, and genuine credible threats
• Different threats require different responses: school threats go to school AND law enforcement; stranger threats go to law enforcement AND the platform; sextortion threats require specialized handling
• Law enforcement always has the option to evaluate a threat — parents don’t have to determine credibility alone; that’s what they’re for
• Your child’s emotional state in the aftermath is as important as the tactical response

Step 1: Stay Calm and Make Your Child Feel Safe First

Your child came to you because they trust you. Or they were caught hiding it because they were afraid. Either way, the first thing they need — before any investigation or action — is to know they’re not in trouble and that you’re handling it.

What to say: “Thank you for showing me this. You did the right thing. I’m not upset with you. Let’s look at this together and figure out what to do.”

What not to say: “Why were you talking to that person?” or “What did you do to make them say that?” — even if those questions feel relevant. There will be time for context later. Right now, your child is scared and needs to feel safe.

Step 2: Do Not Delete Anything

Before you block the sender, report the message, or close the app — take screenshots. This is the most common mistake parents make. Platforms remove reported content (sometimes within minutes), and once it’s gone, it’s often unrecoverable. Law enforcement cannot investigate what doesn’t exist anymore.

How to screenshot effectively:

• Capture the full message thread, not just the threatening message — context matters for assessment
• Make sure the sender’s username, profile picture, and account information is visible
• Note the date and time (visible in the message thread)
• Photograph the screen with a second device if the screenshot function has been disabled on the device receiving the threat
• Email or cloud-save the screenshots immediately so they exist independently of the device

If the threat is on a platform where messages disappear (Snapchat, some Instagram DMs), use another phone or device to photograph the screen before the content vanishes.

Step 3: Assess the Nature of the Threat

Not all threatening language is equally concerning. Before deciding what to do next, assess what type of threat this is. This assessment informs your response — it doesn’t determine whether you take action.

Category A: Casual Threatening Language from a Known Person

“I’m going to kill you” in a joking context between classmates; “I hate you so much” during a gaming argument; “you’re dead when I see you” sent in frustration. This language is inappropriate and worth addressing, but it is not typically what law enforcement classifies as a “true threat.”

These situations often originate from peer conflict — cyberbullying dynamics that are better addressed through school intervention than law enforcement. Document it. Report it to the school. Consider whether additional escalation is appropriate based on the context and relationship.

Category B: Sustained or Escalating Threats from a Known Person

Multiple messages over time; increasingly specific language about how harm would occur; threats that reference specific locations, times, or weapons. This warrants school notification AND consideration of law enforcement involvement. Schools take specific, escalating threats extremely seriously in the current environment.

Category C: Threats from Strangers

A person your child doesn’t know has made a threatening statement. The anonymity of the sender makes assessment harder — and the unpredictability of an unknown person is itself a reason to take stranger threats more seriously than peer conflicts. Report to the platform and report to law enforcement. You do not need to determine whether the threat is credible yourself.

Category D: Sextortion Threats

Someone claims to have sexual images or videos of your child (real or fabricated) and threatens to share them unless your child pays money or provides more images. This is a specific criminal category with specific handling requirements — covered in detail below.

Threat Type	School	Local Police	FBI	Platform
Casual peer language	Yes	Consider	No	Consider
Escalating peer threats	Yes	Yes	Consider	Yes
Stranger threats	If applicable	Yes	Yes	Yes
Credible threat of imminent harm	Yes	Yes — immediately	Yes	Yes
Sextortion	If applicable	Yes	Yes	Yes — immediately

Step 4: Report Appropriately

Reporting to the School

If the threat came from a current student at your child’s school, the school administration should be notified — even if you also contact law enforcement. Schools have the ability to address the situation within the school environment, impose disciplinary consequences, increase supervision, and alert other parents if warranted. Call the school directly rather than waiting to send an email.

Bring your screenshots. Request a meeting with the principal. Ask what actions the school will take and on what timeline.

Reporting to Law Enforcement

For any threat you believe may be credible — specific, directed at your child, from someone who knows where they live or go to school — contact local law enforcement. You can call the non-emergency line if the threat doesn’t appear imminent; call 911 if you believe the threat may be carried out soon.

When you call, have available:

• Screenshots of the threat and surrounding context
• The sender’s username and any identifying information
• The platform or app where the threat was received
• Any history of prior contact between your child and the sender

Law enforcement will assess whether the threat meets the threshold for a “true threat” under their jurisdiction’s law. Even if they don’t open an investigation, your report creates a record — which matters if something escalates later.

Reporting to the FBI

For stranger threats, threats from accounts that appear to be outside your state or country, threats that involve sexual exploitation, or threats that appear to be coordinated across multiple accounts, report to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center at ic3.gov. This is also the appropriate channel for sextortion.

Reporting to the Platform

Platform reporting should happen for every type of threatening online message — but after you’ve documented everything. Most major platforms have specific reporting flows for threats. Select the most specific option available (threats of violence, harassment, etc.) and attach your screenshots.

Handling Sextortion Specifically

Sextortion — where someone threatens to share sexual images unless paid or provided with more images — follows a specific pattern and requires specific handling:

Do not pay. Payment reliably leads to more demands, not to compliance from the perpetrator. The FBI’s documented experience with sextortion cases is unambiguous on this point.

Do not comply with image requests. Providing more images makes the situation worse, not better.

Report immediately to:

• The FBI (ic3.gov)
• The NCMEC CyberTipline (cybertipline.org) if the victim is under 18
• The platform where the demand was made

Block the account only after reporting, documenting, and if the decision to block won’t interfere with a law enforcement investigation your local police have asked you to preserve.

The FBI and NCMEC both have resources specifically for sextortion targeting minors. Act quickly — sextortion perpetrators often escalate rapidly.

Supporting Your Child Emotionally

The tactical response matters. So does your child’s experience of being supported through it.

Children who experience online threats often experience fear, shame (particularly if they feel they “caused” the situation), hypervigilance about online activity, and difficulty concentrating. Some experience anxiety symptoms that warrant professional support.

What helps:

• Reinforcing that this is not their fault
• Keeping them informed about what steps you’re taking (appropriate to their age)
• Not making the device or platform itself the villain — your child’s online life has value, and the goal is safety within it, not elimination of it
• Watching for anxiety symptoms that persist beyond the immediate resolution

What doesn’t help:

• Immediately removing all online access as a punitive response
• Minimizing the threat because you find the platform or context suspicious (“you shouldn’t have been on that game anyway”)
• Handling the situation entirely without your child’s knowledge or input

What to Watch For Over 3 Months

Month 1: Follow through on all reporting steps. Confirm with the school what actions have been taken. Verify that the threatening account has been actioned by the platform. Check in with your child weekly about their comfort level.

Month 2: Assess whether your child is showing signs of anxiety, avoidance, or distress that persist beyond the initial incident. If so, discuss with their pediatrician or a counselor. Review whether any additional threats or escalation has occurred.

Month 3: Revisit the privacy settings and safety agreements around the platform where the threat occurred. Have an age-appropriate conversation about how your child wants to navigate that space going forward.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it a crime for someone to threaten my child online?

It can be. “True threats” — statements that communicate a serious intent to commit violence against a specific person — are not protected speech and can be prosecuted under federal and state law. Whether a specific message constitutes a true threat is a legal determination that law enforcement makes. Reporting allows them to make that assessment.

What if my child doesn’t want me to report it because they’re afraid of making it worse?

This is a real tension. Acknowledge their concern: “I hear you, and I understand why you’re worried about that. But this is something I need to take some steps on to keep you safe. We can talk about what those steps will be and what I’ll tell people.” Involving your child in decisions to the extent possible — rather than overriding their concerns entirely — builds trust and reduces their sense of helplessness.

What if the threatening message was sent anonymously?

Law enforcement can often identify anonymous accounts through legal process (subpoenas to platforms). You cannot do this yourself, but they can. Reporting still matters even when the sender is anonymous.

My child deleted the messages before showing them to me. Now what?

If the messages were on a platform that logs activity (most major platforms do), law enforcement with appropriate legal process can potentially recover them. File the report anyway, even without screenshots — explain what the messages said as accurately as possible.

Should I contact the threatening person’s parents?

Generally no — at least not without involving the school first. Direct parent-to-parent contact in this type of situation frequently escalates conflict and reduces the effectiveness of formal processes. Let the school facilitate any communication between families if applicable.

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About the author: Ricky Flores is the founder of HiWave Makers and an electrical engineer with 15+ years of experience building consumer technology at Apple, Samsung, and Texas Instruments. He writes about how kids learn to build, think, and create in a tech-saturated world. Read more at hiwavemakers.com.

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Sources

1. Federal Bureau of Investigation. (2024). Online Threats and Sextortion. https://www.fbi.gov/investigate/violent-crime/online-threats
2. FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center. (2024). File a Complaint. https://www.ic3.gov/
3. National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. (2024). CyberTipline — Sextortion. https://www.missingkids.org/gethelpnow/cybertipline
4. Stopbullying.gov. (2024). Reporting Cyberbullying. https://www.stopbullying.gov/cyberbullying/report-cyberbullying
5. U.S. Secret Service National Threat Assessment Center. (2021). Averting Targeted School Violence. https://www.secretservice.gov/sites/default/files/reports/2021-03/USSS%20NTAC%20Averting%20Targeted%20School%20Violence%202021.pdf
6. Willard, N. E. (2012). Cyberbullying and Cyberthreats: Responding to the Challenge of Online Social Aggression, Threats, and Distress. Research Press.
7. American Psychological Association. (2023). Helping Children Cope with Threats. https://www.apa.org/topics/violence/school-shootings/threats